I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
they need to just BURY HIM!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
