Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
