Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
