On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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