my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
