Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
