Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
