Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
