who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
