So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
