Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
