i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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