Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
