I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
