you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know her cup size but not her name....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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