Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
