I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
