Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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