Where is the hickey?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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