he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
