Christians are straight up FREAKS
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
