I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
