i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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