RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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