There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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