How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize