if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
