I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Randomize
