Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
