Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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