She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
