y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
