apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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