I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
