GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
