i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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