omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
