i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
