Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm getting married
To pizza
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
