He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
