My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
