gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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