Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
