I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize