i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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