i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
3pm strippers are depressing
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
