Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
