You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
