Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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