I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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