He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
