Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
