Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
