Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
