You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
