Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We're too hungover to prance.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
