I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
