Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There are leaves in my underwear?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize