Midget sex pt 2 tonight
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
