I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
