I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
