what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
