According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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