I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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