You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
