let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize