I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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