i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
