watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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