Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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