yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize