My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
