why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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