Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
