love makes seman taste better
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
