I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
