Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
