You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
