oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i drank out of a bidet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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