STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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