when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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