Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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