even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
