did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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