dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
