I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
